Yeserday all of the dignitas students and their instructors watched our first common experience event called, "That Sex Thing". Sex is never an easy topic especially in an auditorium with hundreds of people. However, sex is something that we need to talk about. Open communication about sex is very important. Effective communication is even more important. After reading below what consensual sex means. I would like you to comment on what role communication plays in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. I would like you to discuss something that you took from this event. Which dialogue impacted you the most. Do you think your peers took this event seriously? Finally, what more can be done to create an event that will be educational and informative to all.
Consensual sex is when both partners are freely and willingly agreeing, or consenting, to whatever sexual activity is occurring.
The issue of consent is very clear. Consent is an active process and a responsibility shared by both partners in any relationship. Consent cannot be given when an individual is intoxicated. Sex without consent is sexual assault/rape. You cannot assume that you have consent – you need to ask.
Make sure the sex you are having is consensual:
•Do not make assumptions about consent; lack of a “no” is not a “yes”
•Ask for consent – it communicates respect and generally sex is better if both partners can talk about what they like/don’t like
•Communicate clearly – talk about your sexual desires and limits
•Know that if someone is intoxicated they cannot legally consent to sex. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated is rape.
•Approach relationships as equal partners, openly communicating in an atmosphere of mutual respect and shared decision-making.
This applies to both males and females (straight, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender). It is important that everyone be held accountable for unconsensual sex. Recongizing that anyone can be taken advantage of is very important. By doing this, the survivor will feel more able to seek help.
Communication plays a huge role in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. The biggest concern with communication is the consent for having sex. By verbally saying “yes, I will have sex with you” is giving consent by communicating it. If a person says nothing but doesn’t fight the sex, there is still no consent and no communication. This is the biggest issue with communication. Secondly, by stating your limits and desires sexually then both partners will understand what you do/don’t want in a sexual relationship. This can only take place if you are both communicating.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I took from this event was that rape can happen to anybody, and most often it is done by someone you know. This impacted me the most because there is really no way of making 100% sure that you are preventing yourself from being raped. It happens in all sorts of situations and ordeals which means that there aren’t precautions that can completely prevent one from being a rape victim. Granted, there are things one can do to avoid it, but this doesn’t mean that one is completely safe.
I think that my peers sort of took it seriously. It is a weird subject and some parts made it seem like consensual sex is safe sex- which isn’t always the case. Although, the scenes where people were taken advantage were taken seriously.
If they pushed the importance of consent and how one cannot get consent if one is intoxicated then people could be more informed. In addition, if they stressed the fact that rape is not the victim’s fault then people might have gotten more from it. Otherwise I really can’t think of anything else that could help make the event more educational.
Communication plays a crucial role in sex. Communicating with your partner allows for both of you to form boundaries and to establish trust with him or her. Being mindful of your partner’s boundaries is important in creating a healthy relationship and sex life. Without communication we wouldn’t be able establish a healthy sex life because there would be no boundaries or trust between each other and it could potentially be the cause of rape or assault. Consent is also a big issue in communication and in the case of rape. We have to be able to communicate ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because misinterpretations happen, which create problems such as rape.
ReplyDeleteI took a few things from this event, but one of the main things is the perspective people have on sex and relationships. Some people don’t want to have sex until they are in a meaningful relationship or with someone they truly care about. Others don’t find that as important. I think everyone gained something from this event whether it is on a more personal level or from a broader scope of things. It was nice to hear stories from personal perspective, not just fictional stories (even though they have truth in them). When we hear actual people talking about actual stories we develop more sympathy and understanding. We gain insight into real life events that impacted them emotionally and possibly physically.
I talked about it in class a little bit, but I found the “You Look So Gay” dialogue impacted me the most. My brother is gay and this just sickened me to hear something like this. It made it even worse that the RA didn’t do anything about it. I wonder how many other incidents have occurred where people were slandered because of their race, sexual orientation, skin color, or gender. This is unacceptable and a disgusting act. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and the fact that the RA didn’t step up and do anything about it is inexcusable. How can some just sit by and allow that to happen?
I think events like this are great. Personal experiences are the best way to get others to understand the seriousness of an issue or topic. I find that it is the best way to learn about them. It takes initiative and enough people willing to tell their own stories or real events that have happened to others.
Communication plays a huge role in daily life. It affects everything including consensual, safe, and healthy sex. In order for sex to be consensual, consent needs to be given- communication. When communication for consent, whether for sex, or something else, is ineffective, it can be difficult to determine if consent was given or not. People can interpret miscommunication in any way that they want. If this happens, people are more likely to be negatively affected. Sometimes it can be strange or just flat out awkward to talk about sex and what it involves in front of hundreds of people. What I took from the presentation wasn’t about one specific story, but more about the students’ willingness to do something that a lot of people would never do. They stood up in front of all of us, and shared the stories of our peers. They made it recognizable that open communication is very important. There were such a variety of stories shared that almost anyone could relate- even if it wasn’t personal. A lot of the students in the audience can relate to what some of the stories shared, or at least they could understand them. This presentation was different than most sex related presentations that sound more like “abstinence is key”, instead, this was informative, and related to a more mature audience. That being said, I think most people took the event seriously. I know there were probably sitting in the auditorium who did not take it seriously, but I think they were in the minority. For an event to be educational and informative, the most important thing is to captivate the audience. If the presentation were made for a different age group, less people would be able to relate. In addition, the stories being presented were from people who are going through the same types of things as we all are- classes, homework, and generally life as a college student.
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ReplyDeleteI personally thing that communication needs to play a huge role in safe and healthy consensual sex because sometimes women might be taken advantage of or even abused. In order to have consensual sex both people need to approve of it. So if one says No the other one need to respect his or her wish otherwise it will not be considered as consensual sex but sexual assault/rape. This topic was interesting for me because in some parts of my countries and in some ethnic group it’s hard for the women to have consensual sex because if even she doesn’t want to have sex she will be forced into it and after that it’s hard for her to go and tell her parent or family about it because she feels ashamed about it and if she tells her parent or family member its possibility that she will end up marrying the guy who actually raped her in order to maintain her family honor or else she will be excluded from the family.
ReplyDeleteWe communicate in everything we do, if when it's not verbal we are sending a message. Sex is suppose to be a luxury in life, and when people take advantage of it, the meaning goes out the drain. It should be enjoyable for both people. The word NO means NO there cannot be any other interpretation of this word. Unconsensual sex happens everyday, we know it as rape, sex is already a hard subject to talk about with strangers, or people we aren't that close to, but when rape is brought into the contents I think we all just shut down and see the subject as taboo. Hearing the stories about rape in the presentation is hard and awkward to sit through, but when we are asked about it, we can only think the worse. Personally I believe that people that become rapist, they should be punished with either a life sentence without parole, or even worse.... I find it pathetic lack of character to take advantage of another person, just because they can't accept rejection. If we communicate effectively, maybe the outcome percentages could decrease.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree about sentencing people who sexually abuse other,because if the sentencing is high enough like hard time (50 year or life imprisonment) people wont even try to take advantage of other.And for people who have been taken advantage of they need to be more open about it, they need to talk more about it.I know for some people it is embarrassing to talk about it because it is shameful but that is the only way to spread the massage.
DeleteI believe that communication is very important in safe, consensual, and healthy sex. Communicating let's both partners discuss what they want and whether or not they are feeling the same way as the other. Without communication you wouldn't be able to tell what the other partner was thinking about and it wouldn't be consensual sex. Therefore in order to have consensual sex you must be able to communicate effectively. Communicating with eachother will ensure safe healthy sex aswell. In order for it to be consensual both partners must agree in my opinion and have no hidden meanings.
ReplyDeleteThe thing from this event that I really took was that everyone has a story about sex different or the same than other people. some are good and some are bad but it's how you take the critisism and jokes being made about you that determines who you are. Not everyone is at the same stage as you are as ready as someone else for sex yet, that doesn't make them a nerd or anything like that. They have values and no one needs to judge that. The dialogue that affected me the most was the one about the kid getting beer cans thrown at him for having a gay friend with him. This just isn't right at all and i thought the RA should have done more about it.
I believe that all my peers took this event seriously. i think this because they are true stories and the kids up on stage had to say that infront of all of us so that made everyone really think about it. I found this type of event a really good way to talk about sex infront of all these kids. When peers talk about it we tend to listen more than when teachers or parents talk about it. I would say this is something that needs to be continued every single year.
Communication is important in any situation. For relationships, communication is key. If a couple is ready to have sex, both sides should communicate and make sure that they gain each others consent. This step is a great step, and if communication is not properly done in this situation, it could damage not only the relationship, but how they think of one another.
ReplyDeleteUnconsensual sex is a serious problem and happens alot. One could ask the other if they wanted to sex and he/she could just not say anything. In no way does this mean a yes or no, most importantly, doesnt mean yes. It seems that people that take no as a yes or has intentions to attempt rape, whether under the influence of alcohol or drugs, is not a bad example of gender or sexual orientation, but in general, bad example to the world.
The presentation tuesday was very moving and educational. I think that all sex education presentations, especially in high school, should use this. At that time almost everyone is going through that stage and most schools do not properly teach it correctly.
I hope everyone takes this presentation into consideration throughout their life.
Luke,
DeleteI agree with you in communication is important. Your suggestion that high schools should use the presentation that we saw, I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. I feel that many high school students aren't mature enough to handle the gravity of the stories that were told, even students at the college level can't handle it, I heard remarks during the presentation on Tuesday. Remarks that should have Not been said!, like "Well she got herself into that situation..."
Communication is key to safe, healthy, and consensual sex. It is important for everyone one to know what they want so if they time comes they are able to voice their limits. If someone gets into a situations where they are pressured to have sex and they are uncomfortable with it, it is important for them to communicate with the other person so it does not turn into anything thing else. It is important for someone to be able to communicate and have conviction in what they are saying. If their partner or anyone else pressuring them, they should be able to communicate what they want in an assertive way, not passive.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I took away from this is that we are in charge of what happen to use and the community of St. Scholastica. We have the power to change ideas and notions of sex or crimes related to sex. The story about the gay man getting beer can thrown at him is appalling and more so the fact that the RA did nothing about it. We has students have to stand up for each other, so that everyone can feel comfortable here. We can make the change so nothing like this will happen again, we need to step up to defend people. If a friend of ours is in an abusive relationship, we can help them, we can change the outcome of their story so it does not have to end like the one of the girls stories. We need to be brave and stick up for someone, even if we know others will be mad and hurt us, so they do not end up like Denise (sophomore girl raped by senior guy at party). We are in charge of the situations we put our self in, we are in charge of what we want to do and how we want to use our bodies.
I feel that it was taken seriously but also brushed off by a lot. Some of the stories in there were horrible to listen to, the things that happened should never happen to anyone. Some believed that it was just another assembly they had to be dragged to or a way to get out of their Dignitas class and could be on their phones while there. I feel like our class took it seriously by the discussion we had afterwards.
I think that since it was personal stories of people who are going and went to Scholastica is what made it more real; that is could happen to anyone. I think if they reiterated more that these were stories that happen here, in our community and by students here it would be more impactful, if they explained more how it could happen to anyone.
Communication is definitely plays a huge role in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. It is very important to recognize each others limits when it comes to things like this. If there is a miscommunication between the two people, this can lead to further and more complex complications in the future. Communication is even more important when it comes to consensual sex because it is something that is shared between two people; it a precious thing, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. It is important that someone is able to express their feelings and to feel comfortable expressing it with their partner. If their partner pressures them to have sex, it is important that they can say what they want to do.
ReplyDeleteThe story that impacted me the most is "You Look so Gay". This story just infuriated me because no one deserves to be treated like that. What made it even worse was that when the students went to the RA about the problem, the RA just shrugged it off saying that they were drunk and just having some fun. That was completely irresponsible of the RA to do especially since the RA is supposed to be the person that you can go to with a problem and they will try their best to come up with a solution. It is unnerving that that had happened on our campus because I, and many others, want to know that we are in a safe environment.
In general, I think that many people will forget it and will not apply it to their life at all. I think that our class, due to our deep conversation about this in class, is mature enough to realize that this happens more than what we might realize and that we would take it seriously.
This presentation had a big impact because I didn't realize how close to home all these situations are(at St. Scholastica). I hope that they continue to do this presentation for years to come.
When it comes to safe, healthy and consensual sex, I feel that communication is very important and that it should play a huge role between the two people involved in sharing the experience. Most people have limits and I believe those limits should be taken into consideration and respected, no matter the circumstance. I also believe that poor communication in a relationship can lead to problems immediately and in the future, so obviously communication is very important to a couple who want to have a healthy, long lasting relationship. But with safe, healthy and consensual sex, communication is even more important.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that I took from this even is that anyone can be raped. Whether you’re a girl or a guy, raped is normally done by someone you know. This is a pretty scary thought I think. Another thing I took with me is that this even really victimized girls. After putting thought into it, the even really made guys sound like mindless pigs, and I know that’s not the case with every guy. I think I would’ve felt less victimized if there were a story about a guy as the victim. I found that the dialogue about the lil sis girl being raped had the most impact on me. I found myself feeling sorry for the girl and the guy that tried to help her. I think that was a horrific story. I think everyone there, not just my peers, took this event very seriously. Those were real life experiences being shared, they could happen to any of us. I think having peers from our school read the experiences really helped catch our attention. At times I forgot that those weren’t their stories, but rather other people’s, but that just caught my attention more. It captivated me and I feel like it captivated everyone around me too. This presentation was very touching and I would definately be among the crowd next year if they continue.
Communication is a key part to life in general. I feel that is is a huge aspect when participating in safe consensual sex. I feel that more often or not one side of the 'relationship' is taken advantage of more than what is being recorded. For a sexual activity to be safe and consensual, both parties need to have agreed and said yes to whatever they participate in. If one party has not agreed and has said no, then if a sexual act is still committed, this can be classes as sexual abuse/rape. I felt that the presentation on sex was a good way of getting a point across because it included both seriousness and humour (humour was included in the songs between the true serious stories) I felt that the humour helped to break up the stories so people could reflect back on what they have just heard. I would definately suggest this to be shown in the next years because i feel that it was very productive and opened up my mind in what actually happens in the real world. It definately helps put a point across because the stories are true and from students at our own college.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is one of the most important parts of of life. As we have previously learned, you cannot not communicate. For safe, healthy consensual sex, both parties need to be communicating the entire time. If one party changes their mind part way through, and the actions still continue, it is considered rape. I feel the presentation was very good. It got me to think about the different ways that sexual abuse and sexual discomfort can happen. Some of the stories happened here at CSS and that caught me off guard. I always thought CSS is a catholic college so nothing is going to happen. Maybe thats just me being oblivious, but I have never heard of anything like that happening here. That is part of the reason why I chose CSS: its safe. The presenters did an excellent job. The songs played inbetween helped lighten up the mood. If not for that, the presentation would have been long and uncomfortable. I believe that presentation should continue every year. Coming in as a freshman, you think that you're untouchable. Well, that isn't correct. Being oblivious causes incidences and I believe this helps open the eyes of students who think nothing can happen to them.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is really the key to everything. There are plenty different types of communication, and in order to have community, there must be communication. In order to have consensual sex, I think both partners must communicate it in words, or sign that they agree to sex. If not, then I don't think it is right to be having sex. The example that impacted me the most was definitely the one about how a CSS student had a gay friend come and visit him at campus. It is such a terrible action to throw beer cans and bottles at a person just for the fact that they are gay. And it makes me even more angry that the RA didn't do anything about it, they just shrugged it off. This is awful representation of our campus and community. I find it hard to believe tat my peers took this event seriously unless they had a discussion afterwards like our class did. I don't think all dignitas classes had a discussion, so I think that a lot of people forgot about everything that when on at the event. I think that this event would take meaning with all people if each class had a discussion like we did, I found it to be very informative and helpful.
ReplyDeleteFrom what i took away from the event is: Communication is one of the most important things possible when talking about sex. Both partners need to give their consent to the other partner before participating in any sexual acts together. Also to go along with giving consent, the partners must verbally communicate this, nodding of the head is not giving consent. The dialogue that impacted me the most is when the two friends were walking by the apartments and the drunk students started to throw their beer cans at them just because the friend was gay. It irritates me because that is the friends first time being on campus and he has never stepped foot again on campus. I feel really bad that the student is the first impression and he lost respect for this campus because of it. It really irritates me because the RA did not do anything at all to help the two people walking. I feel if it had been two girls walking the RA and administration would have done something to help the girls out. This reflects poorly on what the College of Saint Scholastica stands for. I believe that many peers took this even seriously and really put time into listening to the stories that the students told. I believe that students already take this very seriously already. But I believe if you add more stories and also have the students talk more about how it effects people and the community they would also take the event more seriously.
ReplyDeleteLogan, both partners do need to have consent before engaging in sexual activity. I also think that our peers listened really carefully to the lextures
DeleteThe role that communication plays in consensual sex is very important. I find this really important because it is a way of telling the other person that you may not be ready to do something. Not only communicating that you don't feel ready there is also the communication that two partners express with each other about how far they are willing to go or not. I feel like there are so many ways to communicate with one another that either partner is ready. However once someone says no.. No means no I also think that consent also includes having a clear state of mind. I mean this by not being influenced by substances and being to clearly make the choices you truley want. From what I heard in class from everyone who had participated all of my classmates and taken this very serious. Everyone had great feedback and from what I hear about this I think that it was informative. I feel like I could kinda get a sense about what the assembly was about by the discussion in class as well but since I was not there I can't say which part was most impacting. I guess I can say however, once I was put in my out of home placement there were a few places like group homes and foster homes and such. Throught being through places I have heard many stories from many that I have met both boys and girls about experiences that have happened to them, and it is something that sticks with you. Its a serious subject and it does affect the lives of everyone. I think that the people who had the courage to go up and ell their stories have a lot of courage and I admire that.
ReplyDeleteI think the stroy that moved me the most would have to be the one when the guy saw a young girl getting taken advatage of and didn't stop it. That really bothers me when some people see something wrong happening and dont step in because of their social status. If I ever get in that situtation I can promise you I would step in and stop it. I feel like these inceidents happen more than we know. Communication is huge in every aspect of our lives. When it comes to communiacting about sex, its huge. You need to communicate with your partener for your own benefit. If you fail to communicate you could end up with a sexual transmitted disease, get charged with rape, or not have it go the way you wanted it too. Getting an STD or charged with rape could seriously effect you for the rest of your life, all because you choose not to communicate. I totally agree with the whole fact if the person is intoxicated you can not ctually get clear consent to do something. I have had friends in the past who do not remember that happening and the other person was sober. I do not think that kind of stuff is ok. I think my peers took this very seriously, because this stuff does happen on an everyday basis. Also i think lots of people took it seriously because they don't want this kind of stuff to happen to themselves. I think The College of St. Scholastica does a very good job of warning and trying to prevtent these things happening. I feel like maybe taking time to talk about itevery week in our class my help us become more open, and prevent these terrible things from happening.
ReplyDeleteBefore having safe and healthful sex with someone, there must first be consent. In order to gain consent the couple must be able to communicate with each other effectively. From watching the sex thing I learned how often sexual harassment/rape goes on. This shows how important it is that we as citizens take a stand. I respect everyone that spoke for standing up and sharing their stories, educating younger people like ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI feel effective, and open communication is huge in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. It is important to be able to talk to your partner and communicate about how they feel and also express how you feel about sex. If there is no communication their could be disaster complications after sex happens, such as the partner claiming they were raped. If you are going to share the special connection of sex, you should be able to feel comfortable to communicate and express your feelings with your partner.
ReplyDeleteI took from "That sex thing" that their are many people who's feelings are hurt from sexual activity. I found out that their are many ways that people's lives can be affected from sexual activity such as rape, STD's, getting made fun of, and others. The story that impacted me the most was the story about how the gays were walking by and some students threw stuff at them yelled at them. Then when they told the RA's and they didn't do anything, really made me angry that they wouldn't do anything and just says they were having fun. I think that the students took the presentation serious because it was real students telling the stories and is real serious situations that need attention. I also think they take it serious because most people can connect or have heard stories of their friends and it happening to them. To make it able to educate all people would be to share stories of all age groups or possible age groups.