Yeserday all of the dignitas students and their instructors watched our first common experience event called, "That Sex Thing". Sex is never an easy topic especially in an auditorium with hundreds of people. However, sex is something that we need to talk about. Open communication about sex is very important. Effective communication is even more important. After reading below what consensual sex means. I would like you to comment on what role communication plays in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. I would like you to discuss something that you took from this event. Which dialogue impacted you the most. Do you think your peers took this event seriously? Finally, what more can be done to create an event that will be educational and informative to all.
Consensual sex is when both partners are freely and willingly agreeing, or consenting, to whatever sexual activity is occurring.
The issue of consent is very clear. Consent is an active process and a responsibility shared by both partners in any relationship. Consent cannot be given when an individual is intoxicated. Sex without consent is sexual assault/rape. You cannot assume that you have consent – you need to ask.
Make sure the sex you are having is consensual:
•Do not make assumptions about consent; lack of a “no” is not a “yes”
•Ask for consent – it communicates respect and generally sex is better if both partners can talk about what they like/don’t like
•Communicate clearly – talk about your sexual desires and limits
•Know that if someone is intoxicated they cannot legally consent to sex. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated is rape.
•Approach relationships as equal partners, openly communicating in an atmosphere of mutual respect and shared decision-making.
This applies to both males and females (straight, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender). It is important that everyone be held accountable for unconsensual sex. Recongizing that anyone can be taken advantage of is very important. By doing this, the survivor will feel more able to seek help.
Communication plays a huge role in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. The biggest concern with communication is the consent for having sex. By verbally saying “yes, I will have sex with you” is giving consent by communicating it. If a person says nothing but doesn’t fight the sex, there is still no consent and no communication. This is the biggest issue with communication. Secondly, by stating your limits and desires sexually then both partners will understand what you do/don’t want in a sexual relationship. This can only take place if you are both communicating.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I took from this event was that rape can happen to anybody, and most often it is done by someone you know. This impacted me the most because there is really no way of making 100% sure that you are preventing yourself from being raped. It happens in all sorts of situations and ordeals which means that there aren’t precautions that can completely prevent one from being a rape victim. Granted, there are things one can do to avoid it, but this doesn’t mean that one is completely safe.
I think that my peers sort of took it seriously. It is a weird subject and some parts made it seem like consensual sex is safe sex- which isn’t always the case. Although, the scenes where people were taken advantage were taken seriously.
If they pushed the importance of consent and how one cannot get consent if one is intoxicated then people could be more informed. In addition, if they stressed the fact that rape is not the victim’s fault then people might have gotten more from it. Otherwise I really can’t think of anything else that could help make the event more educational.
Communication plays a huge role in daily life. It affects everything including consensual, safe, and healthy sex. In order for sex to be consensual, consent needs to be given- communication. When communication for consent, whether for sex, or something else, is ineffective, it can be difficult to determine if consent was given or not. People can interpret miscommunication in any way that they want. If this happens, people are more likely to be negatively affected. Sometimes it can be strange or just flat out awkward to talk about sex and what it involves in front of hundreds of people. What I took from the presentation wasn’t about one specific story, but more about the students’ willingness to do something that a lot of people would never do. They stood up in front of all of us, and shared the stories of our peers. They made it recognizable that open communication is very important. There were such a variety of stories shared that almost anyone could relate- even if it wasn’t personal. A lot of the students in the audience can relate to what some of the stories shared, or at least they could understand them. This presentation was different than most sex related presentations that sound more like “abstinence is key”, instead, this was informative, and related to a more mature audience. That being said, I think most people took the event seriously. I know there were probably sitting in the auditorium who did not take it seriously, but I think they were in the minority. For an event to be educational and informative, the most important thing is to captivate the audience. If the presentation were made for a different age group, less people would be able to relate. In addition, the stories being presented were from people who are going through the same types of things as we all are- classes, homework, and generally life as a college student.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI personally thing that communication needs to play a huge role in safe and healthy consensual sex because sometimes women might be taken advantage of or even abused. In order to have consensual sex both people need to approve of it. So if one says No the other one need to respect his or her wish otherwise it will not be considered as consensual sex but sexual assault/rape. This topic was interesting for me because in some parts of my countries and in some ethnic group it’s hard for the women to have consensual sex because if even she doesn’t want to have sex she will be forced into it and after that it’s hard for her to go and tell her parent or family about it because she feels ashamed about it and if she tells her parent or family member its possibility that she will end up marrying the guy who actually raped her in order to maintain her family honor or else she will be excluded from the family.
ReplyDeleteWe communicate in everything we do, if when it's not verbal we are sending a message. Sex is suppose to be a luxury in life, and when people take advantage of it, the meaning goes out the drain. It should be enjoyable for both people. The word NO means NO there cannot be any other interpretation of this word. Unconsensual sex happens everyday, we know it as rape, sex is already a hard subject to talk about with strangers, or people we aren't that close to, but when rape is brought into the contents I think we all just shut down and see the subject as taboo. Hearing the stories about rape in the presentation is hard and awkward to sit through, but when we are asked about it, we can only think the worse. Personally I believe that people that become rapist, they should be punished with either a life sentence without parole, or even worse.... I find it pathetic lack of character to take advantage of another person, just because they can't accept rejection. If we communicate effectively, maybe the outcome percentages could decrease.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree about sentencing people who sexually abuse other,because if the sentencing is high enough like hard time (50 year or life imprisonment) people wont even try to take advantage of other.And for people who have been taken advantage of they need to be more open about it, they need to talk more about it.I know for some people it is embarrassing to talk about it because it is shameful but that is the only way to spread the massage.
DeleteCommunication is important in any situation. For relationships, communication is key. If a couple is ready to have sex, both sides should communicate and make sure that they gain each others consent. This step is a great step, and if communication is not properly done in this situation, it could damage not only the relationship, but how they think of one another.
ReplyDeleteUnconsensual sex is a serious problem and happens alot. One could ask the other if they wanted to sex and he/she could just not say anything. In no way does this mean a yes or no, most importantly, doesnt mean yes. It seems that people that take no as a yes or has intentions to attempt rape, whether under the influence of alcohol or drugs, is not a bad example of gender or sexual orientation, but in general, bad example to the world.
The presentation tuesday was very moving and educational. I think that all sex education presentations, especially in high school, should use this. At that time almost everyone is going through that stage and most schools do not properly teach it correctly.
I hope everyone takes this presentation into consideration throughout their life.
Luke,
DeleteI agree with you in communication is important. Your suggestion that high schools should use the presentation that we saw, I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. I feel that many high school students aren't mature enough to handle the gravity of the stories that were told, even students at the college level can't handle it, I heard remarks during the presentation on Tuesday. Remarks that should have Not been said!, like "Well she got herself into that situation..."
Communication is definitely plays a huge role in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. It is very important to recognize each others limits when it comes to things like this. If there is a miscommunication between the two people, this can lead to further and more complex complications in the future. Communication is even more important when it comes to consensual sex because it is something that is shared between two people; it a precious thing, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. It is important that someone is able to express their feelings and to feel comfortable expressing it with their partner. If their partner pressures them to have sex, it is important that they can say what they want to do.
ReplyDeleteThe story that impacted me the most is "You Look so Gay". This story just infuriated me because no one deserves to be treated like that. What made it even worse was that when the students went to the RA about the problem, the RA just shrugged it off saying that they were drunk and just having some fun. That was completely irresponsible of the RA to do especially since the RA is supposed to be the person that you can go to with a problem and they will try their best to come up with a solution. It is unnerving that that had happened on our campus because I, and many others, want to know that we are in a safe environment.
In general, I think that many people will forget it and will not apply it to their life at all. I think that our class, due to our deep conversation about this in class, is mature enough to realize that this happens more than what we might realize and that we would take it seriously.
This presentation had a big impact because I didn't realize how close to home all these situations are(at St. Scholastica). I hope that they continue to do this presentation for years to come.
When it comes to safe, healthy and consensual sex, I feel that communication is very important and that it should play a huge role between the two people involved in sharing the experience. Most people have limits and I believe those limits should be taken into consideration and respected, no matter the circumstance. I also believe that poor communication in a relationship can lead to problems immediately and in the future, so obviously communication is very important to a couple who want to have a healthy, long lasting relationship. But with safe, healthy and consensual sex, communication is even more important.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that I took from this even is that anyone can be raped. Whether you’re a girl or a guy, raped is normally done by someone you know. This is a pretty scary thought I think. Another thing I took with me is that this even really victimized girls. After putting thought into it, the even really made guys sound like mindless pigs, and I know that’s not the case with every guy. I think I would’ve felt less victimized if there were a story about a guy as the victim. I found that the dialogue about the lil sis girl being raped had the most impact on me. I found myself feeling sorry for the girl and the guy that tried to help her. I think that was a horrific story. I think everyone there, not just my peers, took this event very seriously. Those were real life experiences being shared, they could happen to any of us. I think having peers from our school read the experiences really helped catch our attention. At times I forgot that those weren’t their stories, but rather other people’s, but that just caught my attention more. It captivated me and I feel like it captivated everyone around me too. This presentation was very touching and I would definately be among the crowd next year if they continue.
Communication is a key part to life in general. I feel that is is a huge aspect when participating in safe consensual sex. I feel that more often or not one side of the 'relationship' is taken advantage of more than what is being recorded. For a sexual activity to be safe and consensual, both parties need to have agreed and said yes to whatever they participate in. If one party has not agreed and has said no, then if a sexual act is still committed, this can be classes as sexual abuse/rape. I felt that the presentation on sex was a good way of getting a point across because it included both seriousness and humour (humour was included in the songs between the true serious stories) I felt that the humour helped to break up the stories so people could reflect back on what they have just heard. I would definately suggest this to be shown in the next years because i feel that it was very productive and opened up my mind in what actually happens in the real world. It definately helps put a point across because the stories are true and from students at our own college.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is one of the most important parts of of life. As we have previously learned, you cannot not communicate. For safe, healthy consensual sex, both parties need to be communicating the entire time. If one party changes their mind part way through, and the actions still continue, it is considered rape. I feel the presentation was very good. It got me to think about the different ways that sexual abuse and sexual discomfort can happen. Some of the stories happened here at CSS and that caught me off guard. I always thought CSS is a catholic college so nothing is going to happen. Maybe thats just me being oblivious, but I have never heard of anything like that happening here. That is part of the reason why I chose CSS: its safe. The presenters did an excellent job. The songs played inbetween helped lighten up the mood. If not for that, the presentation would have been long and uncomfortable. I believe that presentation should continue every year. Coming in as a freshman, you think that you're untouchable. Well, that isn't correct. Being oblivious causes incidences and I believe this helps open the eyes of students who think nothing can happen to them.
ReplyDeleteFrom what i took away from the event is: Communication is one of the most important things possible when talking about sex. Both partners need to give their consent to the other partner before participating in any sexual acts together. Also to go along with giving consent, the partners must verbally communicate this, nodding of the head is not giving consent. The dialogue that impacted me the most is when the two friends were walking by the apartments and the drunk students started to throw their beer cans at them just because the friend was gay. It irritates me because that is the friends first time being on campus and he has never stepped foot again on campus. I feel really bad that the student is the first impression and he lost respect for this campus because of it. It really irritates me because the RA did not do anything at all to help the two people walking. I feel if it had been two girls walking the RA and administration would have done something to help the girls out. This reflects poorly on what the College of Saint Scholastica stands for. I believe that many peers took this even seriously and really put time into listening to the stories that the students told. I believe that students already take this very seriously already. But I believe if you add more stories and also have the students talk more about how it effects people and the community they would also take the event more seriously.
ReplyDeleteLogan, both partners do need to have consent before engaging in sexual activity. I also think that our peers listened really carefully to the lextures
DeleteThe role that communication plays in consensual sex is very important. I find this really important because it is a way of telling the other person that you may not be ready to do something. Not only communicating that you don't feel ready there is also the communication that two partners express with each other about how far they are willing to go or not. I feel like there are so many ways to communicate with one another that either partner is ready. However once someone says no.. No means no I also think that consent also includes having a clear state of mind. I mean this by not being influenced by substances and being to clearly make the choices you truley want. From what I heard in class from everyone who had participated all of my classmates and taken this very serious. Everyone had great feedback and from what I hear about this I think that it was informative. I feel like I could kinda get a sense about what the assembly was about by the discussion in class as well but since I was not there I can't say which part was most impacting. I guess I can say however, once I was put in my out of home placement there were a few places like group homes and foster homes and such. Throught being through places I have heard many stories from many that I have met both boys and girls about experiences that have happened to them, and it is something that sticks with you. Its a serious subject and it does affect the lives of everyone. I think that the people who had the courage to go up and ell their stories have a lot of courage and I admire that.
ReplyDeleteBefore having safe and healthful sex with someone, there must first be consent. In order to gain consent the couple must be able to communicate with each other effectively. From watching the sex thing I learned how often sexual harassment/rape goes on. This shows how important it is that we as citizens take a stand. I respect everyone that spoke for standing up and sharing their stories, educating younger people like ourselves.
ReplyDelete