Yeserday all of the dignitas students and their instructors watched our first common experience event called, "That Sex Thing". Sex is never an easy topic especially in an auditorium with hundreds of people. However, sex is something that we need to talk about. Open communication about sex is very important. Effective communication is even more important. After reading below what consensual sex means. I would like you to comment on what role communication plays in safe, healthy, and consensual sex. I would like you to discuss something that you took from this event. Which dialogue impacted you the most. Do you think your peers took this event seriously? Finally, what more can be done to create an event that will be educational and informative to all.
Consensual sex is when both partners are freely and willingly agreeing, or consenting, to whatever sexual activity is occurring.
The issue of consent is very clear. Consent is an active process and a responsibility shared by both partners in any relationship. Consent cannot be given when an individual is intoxicated. Sex without consent is sexual assault/rape. You cannot assume that you have consent – you need to ask.
Make sure the sex you are having is consensual:
•Do not make assumptions about consent; lack of a “no” is not a “yes”
•Ask for consent – it communicates respect and generally sex is better if both partners can talk about what they like/don’t like
•Communicate clearly – talk about your sexual desires and limits
•Know that if someone is intoxicated they cannot legally consent to sex. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated is rape.
•Approach relationships as equal partners, openly communicating in an atmosphere of mutual respect and shared decision-making.
This applies to both males and females (straight, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender). It is important that everyone be held accountable for unconsensual sex. Recongizing that anyone can be taken advantage of is very important. By doing this, the survivor will feel more able to seek help.
Communication is the only way to build a relationship to get to a sexual level. If there is no communication there is no conformation that there is safe sex in the situation. Effective communication is not only physical but verbal. After I had asked students about the experience because I was unable to attend there seemed to be many good points. I had been walking through the halls hearing people talk about the event and how they took it as a joke which really made me upset. I would hope that the reason it is not taken seriously has a valid reason for why it is that way. The is not a direct way to be educational and informative to everyone but you can do that for most people in the way it was demonstrated with this event.
ReplyDeleteChris, I agree with the fact that there should be more events like this to bring awareness to everyone. Even though people took it as a joke the majority of people that attended will truely be effected and changed by the experience.
ReplyDeleteFor me, trust is everything. It takes a long time for me to totally trust someone. I usually always have doubts and tend to worry about the 'what ifs.' When in a relationship, both parties need to be comfortable and trust each other. Communication is key for this bond to develop. However, usually as a person gains trust they are willing to let out more feelings and emotions. Thus making communication an on going process.
ReplyDeleteAs for the production given to us, I felt very relived that the school took a more radical and honest approach. It could have been very awkward and unrealistic. I really learned a lot from the readings. It made me feel a lot more comfortable with the situations that could possibly approach me someday.
For me, the sex nerd dialogue stood out the most. I had been to similar presentations before and they had all included comparable stories, that is, except for the story that encouraged a positive overview of sexual behaviors with an emphasis on respect. I was kind of caught off guard that the school would choose to include this sort of viewpoint in the presentation, but I’m glad they did. I think it’s important for us to realize that, regardless of our view on sex in the college setting, sex does happen among our peers. Maintaining a sense of openness when approaching this touchy subject is important if we want to enable individuals to sustain a healthy attitude towards sex and make educated choices.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don’t think many of my peers, myself included, attended this event with the slightest bit of seriousness. But I do believe that, even if they didn’t take it seriously, it probably got them thinking. I know for me, even if it just got me thinking about it for the afternoon, it got me thinking.
I think the storytelling approach that was used in this program is the most effective way to reach out and inform college aged students about sex. I wasn’t expecting something so open and straightforward at this college so I was pleased to attend an event that was so much more engaging than what could have been just a boring lecture that indirectly told us “sex is bad”.
I think communication is a very important role when dealing with sex. Sex is a very big decision and you have to listen and communicate to get each others vibes. Having a good relationship is the most important part when considering sex. The most important thing that I took from this sex event is communicating is a big part in having sex and without it terrible things can happen to a person. The story that stuck out most to me was when the girl was passed out and the guy was still trying to have sex with her and taking advantage of her. That is very wrong and disgusting to do to a person especially when they cant do anything to defend themselves. I think that most people at the event took it seriously because these are real life stories and they happen all the time, but we just don’t know all the stories. I think that if Scholastica had more events like this these issues would be taken more into consideration and everyone will be more aware when having sex.
ReplyDeleteI feel that too many people assume consensus when one person is really feeling different than the other. I don't think that anyone is completely safe from sexual assault no matter where they go to school. I also think that the main reason that rape is very prevalent on college campuses/towns is due to alcohol. As the above information stated, communication is key when determining when sex can occur between two people and how then, are people able to communicate effectively and make a rational decision when one or the other is intoxicated. Communicating and being able to understand one another prior to sex not only highlights one another's needs but also leads to a mutual respect between the couple. Overall I think that a good rule is, always think if the decision you are about to make is the right one and weigh out the consequences, and if you are in a state of mind where you are not able to think, than the decision is probably the wrong one.
ReplyDeleteTeagan,
ReplyDeleteI agree that trust is everything when developing a relationship of any kind because if two people cannot trust one another, then how can they be comfortable enough with each other to have a healthy sexual relationship? The best way to begin to trust and appreciate the person that you are with is to communicate with them and acknowledge their personal characteristics.
I think communication is key in getting a relationship anywhere, especially to the sexual level. There needs to be good communication to determine whether sex is consensual or not. If a couple wants to take it to the next level, the best thing to do is talk about it and to not be afraid to talk about it. If they can't talk about it openly with each other, then obviously they shouldn't have sex. I think if there is even a doubt that a person doesn't want to do it means its not totally consensual. I think rape happens more often than people think. I also think a lot of it has to do with alcohol. People get themselves in situations. They aren't thinking clearly and then things happen.
ReplyDeleteI was unable to be there for this presentation. After hearing some things about it, I think it would have been very informative to go to.
The role that communication plays in safe, healthy, and consensual sex is that it is ok with both partners. If one does not say yes it’s not consensual making the communication horrible. Something I took from this event was that even if you go to parties in a group, that group can still leave you. Make sure those friends are people you can really trust and even then they might not be there when you expect them to. You have to take care of yourself. The dialogue that impacted me the most was the big bro little bro one. This was because I can see this happening and was very surprised like someone had commented on that “not more of those girls were raped.” It was a bad situation. I think some took it seriously then others were just not interested in being there and talking about it. It depends on the character of the person and how comfortable they are with listening and talking about everything that we talked about. I think an event that could be done would be exactly like the one we just had. To me it was very interesting and I took a lot away from it.
ReplyDeleteThe role communication plays in safe, healthy, and consensual sex is huge. Consent being the most important. I think healthy and safe sex are based off it being consensual. Consensual sex, like monica said is communicating. Without talking and making sure it is wanted between both partners it is wrong, and illegal may I add. Although, I do believe in many cases sex between partners is not consensual. In a lot of cases one of the partners feels pressured to have sex so they do it, whether they truly want it or not just to keep the partner from getting upset.
ReplyDeleteI thought "The Sex Talk" was a really good program. It was really eye opening to both me and many others who attended. There was a lot of things my friends and I related to as well, like the girl who was talking about "bitching" about guys. Something that I took away from the event was judging, a lot of the stories had to do with judging.
The dialogue that impacted me the most was the one where the man was talking about the Big Bro and Lil Sis in high school. To be honest, I cried, I thought the fact that the girl got raped was so sad. Even worse that no one helped her even though so many people knew what was going on. My friends who I sat with also cried during this same dialogue so I know the event effected others as well!
I think something that will make the even MUCH better is if the readers know their lines. I really didn't like that they were just standing there and reading from their papers. The one guy that didn't read from his paper was the most impacting dialogue to me and I think the fact that he didn't just read it from a paper played a bit role in that.
-Natalie
I think the most important factor of a relationship is mutual understanding and trust. If those two things are present then the topic of sex should be easy to discuss but I think that it is important to discuss if before it happens. It is vital to have a mutual understanding of where you are in a realtionship in terms of sexual activity. If there is an understanding of limits and what is comfortable then I think that can prevent something dangerous from happening. I thought it was surprising when I read that it can be considered rape if you have sex with someone under the influence of alcohol. I did not know that. It does seem like a slippery slope if you blur the line for what consent is though because that gives a girl the opportunity to possibly insinuate something after the fact. I think the most important thing about consentual sex is to get an absolute yes before proceeding to do anything that may cause any future harm,
ReplyDeleteNatalie,
ReplyDeleteI think you made some good points reinforcing that consent is the most important factor in having sex and that reflects back to communication. Communication is important in all aspects of life expecially something as sensitive and delicate as sexual activity.
Communication is key to everything, as we have all said with every blog. But with the topic of sex, it is more than important to communicate in order to know if both partners have consent. It is so disturbing to know how common rape and nonconsentual sex is. And when I went to "That Sex Thing", each story hit me deep. But the one story that really got to me was the man that went up there and did not even need a microphone cause he was yelling just to express such emotion. Even though I have never been in such a situation, I felt the pain for the writer of the story.
ReplyDeleteWe need more activities to express the reality of every day life on the subject. People really need to be more aware of the subject. People need to know the importance of communication when it comes to sex. Communication is key to developing a healthy and strong relationship. As for creating more activities, the only thing I can think of is creating presentations in front of many which are interesting as well as emotional, just to express the importance of the subject
Tim,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you when you talk about the importance of communicating having consent or not towards their sexual activities. Even if you are in a relationship, you always need to have their consent. Trust and honesty is key to beginning a strong relationship.
Chris, I completely agree with you. Sex that is not consensual is rape. If both people do not agree upon it then it is rape. I also like how you said what you took from the even was that anything could happen any where. I totally agree! It is so scary to think that it can happen anywhere, even with a bunch of people around. I also like how you said the way the man who told the Big Bro Lil Sis story was impacting because the way he told it! I also talked about that in my post.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I agree with the idea that the presentation would have been more effective had all the actors memorized their scripts. The guy who did his without one was much more memorable and stood out to me the most. When he got into character he made the story seem more personable.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is the key to safe, healthy, and consensual sex. Without consent, you either have rape or sexual assault; therefore communication is the most important part of sex. Communication also allows you to tell your partner what you do and do not like, it brings you closer together. I took from this event that a lack of a no is not a yes. You need a yes to make sure it is consensual. Also, I took that things like this can happen to anyone, people don’t think it can happen to them but it can. It can even be your boyfriend or someone you love that is hurting you and taking advantage of you. The dialogue that impacted me the most was the ‘Lil Sis’ dialogue. He was a very good speaker, and the story was also heart wrenching. If you suspect rape or assault, you need to step in and stop it. I do think my peers took this seriously; it was a very good presentation. I think the presentation that was given was done very well ad was educational and informative, but maybe smaller groups could allow others to open up about personal problems. Overall, I really enjoyed “That Sex Thing.”
ReplyDeleteBritt,
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about being with trustworthy people at parties, and even then you can't fully trust them to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself first. I like how you said they can still leave you which is true. You might go to parties with your best friend, but then she meets a guy and goes off with him, then your alone. I really liked your comment!!
Beth,
ReplyDeleteI like how you said how alcohol is involved in a lot of rape. This made me think about how some people may react or look at what consensual means. Like some people may say that the other person only had a little bit to drink and they knew what they were agreeing to, but the person could have been a light weight and really not have known what was going on.
Laura,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your statement about effective communication being necessary in order for a couple to know if they are comfortable with having sex. Without good and effective communication a couple wouldn't be talking about it and wouldn't know if the other person was comfortable with it.
Of course in every relationship we have, communication is something that is completely necessary. Although I feel in romantic relationships there is a type of communication that is VERY important. This is a communication that we don’t have in every other relationship we have. In romantic relationships there had to be a communication about our boundaries, and comfort zones. Most of the time in relationships I feel like at the beginning we are really bad about communicating about that kind of stuff. Girls are afraid to say stop, they feel they will be “uncool” or whatever. I think it is important to really talk about sexual boundaries when forming a new romantic relationship. I do obviously believe that some couples are really good about communicating with each other about their comfort zones. But I also feel that with every new generation sex is becoming a lot more casual. It is something that people are taking value away from. 8th graders in high school should not be having sex and yet it is something that is becoming more and more common. At the assembly the story that really got my attention was the one with the guy that didn’t step in and stop his friend from taking advantage from one of the “little sis’s” I could tell the he really beat himself up over what happened. I think the way that he delivered his speech really grabbed everyones attention. The way that he chose to communicate his message to all of us was very successful. To make the event more successful I think they should have rolls like that guy who I mentioned above, it was easy to tell that he was upset about the topic. Some of the other readers it felt like they didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Playing the role I think is very important when talking about a topic that can be turned into a joke really easily.
ReplyDeletekelsey-
ReplyDeleteI like how you mentioned that a lot of people think that it cant happen to them. I think that a lot of the time people feel that certain things cant happen to them. Like they have some sort of super power. The fact of the matter is, that it CAN happen to ANYONE. Everyone no matter how comfortable they are should always try and be as careful as possible
I think that many people may not express their feelings when having consensual sex. For example, one story referred to a girl who had sex with her boyfriend because she was afraid to lose him. If she would have just communicated that she didn't feel ready, then the event wouldn't have taken place. Otherwise, I'm sure that many people do speak their minds when making these kinds of decisions, and I don't know if their communication needs to be stronger, but I do believe that some of the people who are putting pressure on their partner to do this is something that should be addressed. I don't know if these people would even listen long enough to realize that they're in the wrong, but nonetheless, it should be addressed.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if everyone took this event as seriously as others (due to the lower attendance) but of all the stories that were read, I was struck most by when the one guy was yelling the story to the audience, (about how the person didn't speak up for a victim of rape when he saw it happening). I think that that sort of story is something we don't think can happen here, that it only happens in the movies, but it was so striking a performance, that it made the story that much more serious.
Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI like how you pointed out how some girls are reluctant to say no because it will affect the status that they have with their boyfriend or other peers. I don't think anyone should have to have sex if they don't feel ready, and definitely not if they feel their pride is threatened. I don't think that's the rationale a person should have when making these kinds of decisions.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteI agree that relationships should be discussed more than once. It's an on going process that should be talked about every time a problem or topic arises.